And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
