It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
