omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
