I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
