Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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