a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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