We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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