why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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