Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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