Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
