it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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