I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sorry my hands just texted you
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
