and you said cock pushups were impossible
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
