also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
