Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
