it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
