I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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