Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize