At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
