I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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