I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
