boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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