you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
