Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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