Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
