C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
