Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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