I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
