The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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