pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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