after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
