Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
