Dual....:-)
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
