Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
