never play flip cup with pint glasses
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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