God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize