well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
