Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
