ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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