He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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