Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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