I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
