Will you blow on my dice?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
