Four minutes until I can fart!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize