HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
