Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
