I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
