Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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