i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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