I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
