i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
