goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
