Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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