Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
pray to the hookup gods
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
