Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize