"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
