I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
