my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
