So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
