Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
