Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
