I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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