it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
