You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
