where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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