Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
