Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can I color on your dick again?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
