I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
