apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
