On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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