U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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