dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
everyone is single if you try hard enough
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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