just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
