I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
