I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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