Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just invented taco cereal.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
