I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize