i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
