i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i out mim tonsoeep
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