I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
