just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
