i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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