Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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