I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
