so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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